Do you have dreams and desires? Goals and aspirations?
Maybe, you just want to buy that new Lamborghini. My guess is that you do because we all desire something.
To get anything in the world, we first have to become good at influencing others to help us achieve it. The key to your happiness is in your ability to win over people.
How to influence anyone to get anything in the world.
Compliment people over criticizing.
Complimenting people, lifts their self-worth and self-esteem. People and animals respond better to positive reinforcement over negative.
When you criticize others you make them defensive of their actions or beliefs, they will become rooted in their place (because you insulted their intelligence and character). These are two qualities you never wish to insult.
The goal of complimenting over criticizing is to create effective communication between the two of you. Without effective communication, your end result will not be realized.
By complimenting others, you play into one of the two major driving forces of human nature.
According to Sigmund Freud, the sex desire and the desire to be great are what drives us as humans and by complimenting others, you are telling them they are great.
Try this exercise: walk down the street and give random strangers compliments.
Tell a girl the dress she is wearing looks really cute. Tell a man his beard is epic. Giving compliments makes everyone feel better. They key though is to actually mean it. Praise and appreciation are awesome, flattery is false.
After you won them over initially with some praise for their accomplishments the next thing is to help them achieve something they desire.
Give what others desire, not what you want.
What is your favorite food in the whole world?
Personally I love an authentic Philly cheese steak with melted cheese, onions, peppers, mushrooms and just a dash of salt and pepper. The smell of one of these lures me right in and I can’t help but indulge myself.
I may love these delicacies, but others could be different. For example, if I were to go out into the middle of a lake with my friends to fish, I wouldn’t bait my hook with a Philly cheese steak. I wouldn’t be able to catch a fish. I would use a worm or a local grasshopper.
Knowing what the proper lure is for a given situation is key to catching the right fish. Be it an important contact or a new friend.
Every act you do is because you desire an end result.
You are Machiavellian, looking at the end result. Even selfless acts are selfish. You give to charity to feel good. If the feeling of giving to charity didn’t outweigh the giving, you wouldn’t do it.
When we realize this and start looking at why people do certain actions you can understand their motivation.
Why do high-powered executives drive fancy cars, buy big houses, and live lavish lifestyles?
Because they compare themselves to other high-powered executives and feel insignificant if they also don’t have that type of lifestyle. Why do nurses, cops, and firefighters work high-stress jobs with little compensation? Because they genuinely love being in the service of others
When you help others achieve their desires a unique effect happens. It is called the law of reciprocity. If you help me, I naturally and organically want to help you back.
This is a powerful tool to help you influence anyone to get anything in the world. Imagine if you could help someone become the president of the United States. What sort of leverage would that create for you?
The only way to lure the right bait is to look at the world through the other person’s eyes. You must understand their desires and help them achieve the goals. This requires enormous amounts of self-awareness and a complete lack of “ego.”
There is an abundance of people in the world looking to get theirs. When you willingly become a giver (not looking to take at all), you set yourself apart in the world.
When you are influencing others who do not think the way you do there are some key concepts we should abide by…
Never argue your points.
No one wins in an argument. Let’s assume you argue with someone and tell them “what’s what.” The best reaction you can hope for is they sullenly obey you. In the process though, they resent that you “won” the argument, you belittled their intelligence and hurt their pride. That’s at best!
At worst you have someone who loathes you and feels you are fundamentally wrong and rude. Think about the last time you ever heard two people fundamentally opposite in religion, or politics try and talk. It just doesn’t go well.
How do you get someone to think in your line of thinking?
Talk about how you both wish to achieve the same goal. Let’s assume for a moment you wish to grow your business. If I were to say “I need $10,000 to do this project.” you will say WOOO that is way to much money, we don’t have the budget or a number of other objections.
But if I said: “you mentioned that you desire to grow you business by $150,000 this year, how much do you think it would cost in marketing and advertising to grow your business?”
Now you are going to have to think about it, and you might come back with an answer of “…well last year we spent $30,000 in advertising to grow to $100,000. This year then we should spend $45,000 to hit our benchmarks.” With that little tactic, I went from a budget of $10,000 that would be shot down—to $45,000 that will be accepted on the spot.
Get them to say “yes.”
When people say no their pride is at stake. They put their entire will behind the “no.” Their personality demands that they stay consistent. The reverse is also true when people say yes.
Yes not only signifies an agreement with you but it also helps the other person view you as a reasonable guy. We all like working and dealing with reasonable people, and if you as a reasonable person suggest something, that suggestion will be reasonable.
This leads me into my last point.
Let them argue your points and virtues.
Earlier, we stated that no one wins an argument. What happens when you suggest something that the other person disagrees with? The trick here is letting the other person argue your points and virtues because then they have to see your point of view in a positive light.
I love using the phrase, “I don’t know if this would work but…” and then follow up with… “Why would this idea work well for what we are trying to achieve?”
I just asked the other person to look at my point of view in the best possible light and find ways that it will work well.
Pro tip: Leave out a key idea or piece of information that will make the plan work even better. Let the other person find that key piece of information and add it into the plan. Then they become invested in the idea or plan and believe it was their idea.
Take action every day.
I am a big believer in the Law of Attraction and the power of our minds. That being said I do not believe you can sit on your a$* and win. As Arnold Schwarzenegger said: “You can’t climb the ladder of success with your hands in your pockets.”
You must take action every day to achieve your goals.
Action springs out of what we fundamental desire. Understand what you fundamentally desire, and use a vision board and positive affirmations. If you are having self-doubt use the “Belief Wheel” exercise. You can get this for free in my brain hacks video and workbook training, here.
But more than anything, when you are attempting to influence anyone to get anything in the world you must ask yourself: “How can I create a situation where this person will want to do it?”
How can I create a place where this person will WANT to do it?
It’s not about persuading or “getting them to do it,” but inspiring a desire inside of themselves. This is something that would only happen if they actually wanted it too. The process is more removing obstacles, and getting out of the way.
When someone fundamentally desires to want to help you they will go out of their way to do it.
Pro tip: If you really desire to master the art of influencing others I highly recommend you pick up this book:
How to win friends & influence people by Dale Carnegie.
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