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I’d like to show you how to find your purpose in life, and tell why it’s a little easier than you think.
October was my 30th birthday. The big three… OH MY GOD I AM 30 MY LIFE IS OVER! DEEP BREATH DEEP BREATH!!!!
Like a lot of people I started to take a good hard look at my 20’s, and do a bit of self-reflection. Asking the tough questions like, can I afford avocado toast on a regular basis and am I happy with what I have accomplished?
Where I am going, and how I am serving the world, have I found my purpose in life? You know, those important questions.
Truthfully, the answer is not a simple “Yes or No.” The world doesn’t operate in black and white, and neither is finding your purpose. At 30 years old I am finally ready to sit down and fully embrace my purpose on this earth. In this article, I am going to share with you my method of how to find your purpose and why it is easier than you think.
Before we jump in, the hardest part I have personally had with divining my purpose is that… there is no right or wrong answer. Not everyone has a singular purpose that they must pursue for the next 50+ years. Sometimes, you have one that you pursue for a few years until a bigger purpose is unlocked, or you achieve your goal.
What is your BHAG or big hairy audacious goal?
Your purpose has to be big, but big is relative to the person. Some people may want to save the rainforest, end childhood hunger or stop the Harvey Weinstein’s of the world. Other’s want to make people laugh, be a loving parent, or be hedonistic and experience every healthy sexual desire they have. No goal is right or wrong unless you are infringing on the rights of others of course.
Personally, I have many purposes, desires, and goals in life.
Creating clarity of my “real goals” is the first step in determining how I will find my purpose in life. I am defining real goals as those goals or purposes that I keep coming back to me every time I put them down. Like an itch in the back of your throat, it won’t go away.
How to Find Your Purpose: Core Values
Take a look back at your life and see what in your life has consistently made you happy. We aren’t talking about the little things either, dig deep and really look at the big things that brought joy to your life.
For example, here are just a few goals that mean a ton to me.
- I love making people laugh and bringing joy to the world. (every day I make viral silly skits on Musical.ly that make people laugh)
- I believe positivity is as essential of a substance to consume as a healthy diet. (I teach positivity to my audience on live.ly and am a spotlight creator because of it)
- I love being silly and not taking life too seriously. I dress up in costumes to make people laugh after all…
- I absolutely love teaching and inspiring people no matter what the subject is. If I can help someone be a better in any area of their life I get excited.
- I have spent a lot of time studying and executing in many different areas of my life. Entrepreneurship/business, social media, personal development/mindset, Snowboarding. If I can help someone achieve growth in any of those areas I do it without a second thought.
After creating this list, the next step becomes distilling down these ideas and things that make us happy into a couple of core ideas and values.
For instance,
I value: Enjoying life, the process, spreading positivity.
I value: Growing, pushing, and achieving more.
I value: Leading through teaching. Walking the walk as you talk the talk.
I value: Simplicity. Life is complicated, we don’t need to make it more than it actually is.
Expanding on these ideas further…
I love spreading positivity and humor, I believe you receive in life what you put out into the world. Therefore I want to give more than I take, and I want to give humor and positivity.
I absolutely love personal development as it is a way to grow as a person. Overcoming fears and challenges, approaching life from a different perspective. I also love entrepreneurship for the growth mechanisms. I love growth hacking and finding little and big ways to explode key numbers.
I love creating communities and serving others. By serving a community, you get the opportunity to validate ideas and create real impact. It is frustrating and hard to create something and have no one resonate with it. Therefore I approach everything community first. Find an audience to serve and serve that audience better than the rest.
These core ideas or values become your system of “checks and balances”. If your purpose isn’t aligned with these values, you are bound to fail.
How to Find Your Purpose: Pain Cave
Before we build the whole system and answer the question “WHAT THE F*** DO I DO WITH MY LIFE?”
We gotta take a look at all those dark ugly spots in our life. My friend Kamran calls this point(s) in your life “The Pain Cave”
The “pain cave” is those times in your life that were absolutely miserable. These are the absolute worst times that made you question your reality, god, and maybe even your own existence.
Kamran’s “pain cave” was when his newborn son needed heart surgery and waiting to figure out if his son would live or die. That is some tough sh*t right there.
My “pain cave” has arrived a number of times in my life. When I was a tween, I hated my life. I had an abusive home life, zero self-worth, and no external validators to boost myself up. I wasn’t good at school, sucked at sports, was a nerd before it was cool, and girls didn’t think I was attractive. I almost committed suicide as a kid.
As an adult, my “pain cave” came again just with new furnishings. I was a failed entrepreneur, homeless, college drop out. I felt like a worthless piece of sh*t that was a giant burden on society, a disgrace to my family, and hated myself. It made me question everything I have ever done, the decisions I made and there seemed to be no hope.
When those times in your life that you are forced to sleep in “The Pain Cave”, take a look at what is going on. What are you doing in your life that is causing those things to happen? Take ownership of these situations in your life, and say it is my fault.
I can already hear the comments “WAS IT KAMRAN’S FAULT HIS SON NEEDED HEART SURGERY????!?!??!?!” or a 4-page tirade of a similar nature. Before you go ahead and rip my head off in the comments section, hold on a minute.
I understand life, and simply sh*t happens. Very few people would “choose” to experience these negative things in life. That is irrational.
But, just as a thought exercise — what if we did? What if for some crazy reason we choose to have these negative, dark experiences. If you need to pose this to your higher being of choice, go right ahead. What if God/god/Self/Higher Being/Universe/etc. put those situations and experiences in front of you? Why would a benevolent force do this, what would you learn from this experience, how would it make you stronger?
Imagine this:
My higher family got together before we came down here on this earthly plane and had a little family meeting.
My mom said, “hey I will come down and love you unconditionally. I will sacrifice everything for you. I will also choose to have verbally and mentally abusive male figures in your life. I will also reject your gifts to the world and not know how to support you other than my love.”
Then, I was like “Cool! That is going to be a great way for me to build an internal strength that will dominate every challenge thrown my way. I will naturally have to be a leader as no one will be able to show me the path. Your love will model to me how to be empathetic and authentic. Connecting and sharing with others will be natural! Would you really do that for me? Thank you!”
My higher father said, “Hey I will come down and cause a giant rift in our relationship. As you grow up I won’t be around, I will be a failed entrepreneur, and use humor as a way to subtly say mean things to you to knock your self confidence.”
I was like… “NO WAY YOU WOULD DO THAT FOR ME!? You will show me how to have a thick skin, and be mentally quick on my feet?? Will you give me the gift to bridge that huge divide and create a really strong relationship with you years later? If I can create a powerful relationship with you, that means I can heal any wound.”
My sister said “Hey, I will come down and secretly hate you for being here and the choices you make. At my wedding, I will make sure to actively reject and shun you. I will try and dominate you physically and mentally. I will push all your buttons and get you so angry you can’t think. Most importantly I will hate you because you represent all the things I wish I could be and do but will never admit to it.”
I was like “WOW you must love me so much! You will teach me a level of patience that a Buddhist monk would envy. By being my biggest hater you will be a major motivator. You will give me the gift to help you in exchange and allow you the opportunity to choose new paths. We must love each other so much to cause each other so much pain.”
All in all the ethereal conversation ended in… “Thanks, family you are the best! I agree to these terms, let’s get this thing started.”
Only in the “pain cave” can we receive life’s strongest gifts. The “pain cave” becomes a crucible that we use to turn life’s lumps of coals into diamonds we get to share with the world as gifts.
Write out your gifts that were born out of pain and struggle.
My gifts are:
I am a natural teacher: I excel only when I can inspire, educate and entertain!
I am a natural leader: I will do my thing and want you to lead too!
I am a natural cheerleader: I want to celebrate your wins and successes!
I am a natural comedian: I will find the humor in any situation!
Ok I know this is a super long article but bear with me. We are getting to the end, and finally ready to put it all together.
We have our values:
I value: Enjoying life, the process, spreading positivity.
I value: Growing, pushing, and achieving more.
I value: Leading through teaching. Walking the walk as you talk the talk.
I value: Simplicity. Life is complicated, we don’t need to make it more than it actually is.
We have our gifts:
I am a natural teacher: I excel only when I can inspire, educate and entertain!
I am a natural leader: I will do my thing and want you to lead too!
I am a natural cheerleader: I want to celebrate your wins and successes!
I am a natural comedian: I will find the humor in any situation!
Looking at our values and gifts, ask yourself the really deep question of “WHY?”
How to Find Your Purpose: Why?
Why are these things important to you, what do they represent?
I grew up with no external validation of my own significance, in a mentally and physically abusive environment. I lived in a perpetual cycle of self doubt, fear, and sadness.
I didn’t start to rise to my full potential until I became my own leader, teacher, and cheerleader. I had to believe in myself when no one else would. Once I believed in myself, others started to believe in me too. I started winning and having external validation that I was significant. I had to realize that I was more than enough.
I have a responsibility to show to others they are significant and more than enough. I can show others that they have all the tools and resources they need to take the next step and move forward in life. I do that through teaching, leading, and inspiring others using humor and practical know how.
Looking at our current cultural ecosystem I am noticing thousands of young kids going through exactly what I went through and sometime worse. We have a social media world where we validate our value based on the number of likes you get on Instagram.
All this leads me to one simple conclusion: I must be the leader that shows the world that your self worth is predicated on how much you help others. I just happen to do this through dressing up in silly costumes, dancing around and using my social media platform to teach, inspire, and bring positivity.
Write why you do what you do, write why it’s important.
Afterwards, test your purpose against the exercises laid forth. Does your purpose align with your core values? Does your purpose use the gifts gained from your “pain cave.” Is your why strong enough to pull you forward against all odds? If you answer yes to all of these questions, than you have successfully figured out how to find your purpose in life. If not, don’t fret, keep searching.
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